Desires
by andriaallen
Summary: Helen desires one thing. That's all, just one thing, and her journal is the only one that knows. or is it?


_May 15, 2012_

_ Why would you want to be alone? That is a question I am often asked by many people. My answer is very simple. I would rather be alone than lose everyone I ever loved, because it will happen. James, Nigel, John, Father, and Ashley were a part of my life and I loved them all, then they died. Nikola left, no word on where he went or anything. Will, Henry, Kate, Erica, and Abby are good parts of my life. But they will eventually die, and I will live on as I have for 274 years. _

_ I spend my nights alone and I am not ashamed of protecting my heart. Charlotte was a wonderful lover and our tryst in Africa was sweet and a day full of exploration. I chose to be alone, and now I wonder if the woman I really love even sees it. She is another's, and I won't take her. Having her in my life is more important that not having her in my life at all. I will take what she gives me and hold onto it_.

_Helen Victoria Magnus_

Helen finished signing her name in her journal entry and left the book open to let the ink dry. She stood and walked over to the floor length mirror just to look at her reflection. She remembered once, having blonde curls that cascaded down her back, and now they were brunette waves, large spiral curls that came naturally over time. Her hair had grown, and once again after many, many years was long enough when straightened to reach her mid-bum. She couldn't go to the surface and while her hair was usually always elegantly up now with its length. Tonight it cascaded down her torso and ended just at the top of her bum.

she stared at her mid-thigh length nightgown made of crimson silk and the long black silk robe that she had worn open, untied. The colors lit up her alabaster skin and she glowed in the artificial moon light. It was nearly midnight and the hall lights were still on. Occasionally a person would pass her room. She had noticed that before. Abby had given up on Will after the life form/ musical incident but decided that she would like to be a part of the Sanctuary. Helen had welcomed her with open arms. Will was still pissed at them but that didn't matter. Helen started at the sound of a knock on her door and without thinking, moved to answer the door. Not that she cared, shyness was long gone in her books.

"Hello…. Abby?" Helen questioned. The young woman had makeup streaming down her blotched face from crying. Without thinking Helen dragged the woman into her room and sat her on the four poster bed. Helen sat next to her and tucked her into her side, being as comforting as possible. She rubbed her hands up and down the arms of the younger woman and her back too.

Abby wrapped her arms around the older woman and pressed her face into the crook of her neck. She stayed there until she calmed down. "Will doesn't want me here. He said that I am no good at the job that you assigned me." Abby sniffled. Helen looked down at the blonde woman and chuckled.

"You do a perfectly fine job Abby, Will has been off since I gave you a job admittedly, but he is jealous more than anything." Helen reassured her by rubbing her hand up and down the younger woman's arm a few times again.

"Why is he jealous of me?" Helen laughed.

"He refuses to see that you are an amazing woman. I think that you do very well here. I like your qualities as a functioning member of this team, if he doesn't like it then oh well." Helen was met with silence. Abby stared at her before slowly starting to smile again.

"Do you really mean that?" Helen nodded at the younger blonde and smiled before patting her leg and shifting her.

"Pardon me, I'll be right back." The British woman smiled before disappearing into the en suite bathroom. Abby sat there for a moment before deciding that she would rather get up and move around. She looked around the room and found everything neat and orderly, spotless. Like the woman who resided there for the nights. She looked at the desk and noticed the open journal. She looked at the elegant slanted cursive penmanship of the Victorian woman. Looking at the signed name at the end of the entry, the specifics of it she had skipped and smiled at the middle name. She returned to the bed and sat pondering the Middle name of a woman she admired.

Several minutes later Helen emerged from the bathroom with her robe tied and her hair in a braid. "Sorry about the wait." The older woman offered apologetically as she walked over to her desk and shut the journal before stuffing it in her desk. Abby smiled as Helen put away the journal.

"Why not put it away right after you finish writing?" Abby asked curiously. Helen smiled and held up an old fashioned pen and inkwell.

"You can't close the book and keep it neat unless you let the ink dry, I prefer my journals to be done the old-fashioned way." Helen stated, also putting the pen and ink away.

As Helen made her way across the room to sit on the bed again Abby couldn't help but notice the sway in her hips. Abby inhaled sharply, mesmerized by the older woman's physical condition. Helen had a lean body with a flat stomach and muscular legs.

Helen noticed how Abby looked at her and inwardly smiled, perhaps she could have the woman she dreamed of. The atmosphere had changed in the room, each woman pondering the body of the other. Helen sat down on the bed and smiled, her leg brushing against Abby's. She felt the sharp intake of breathe from the woman as her bare leg moved against hers slowly. Helen dragged the movement out and she made a show of turning onto the bed and taking her robe off before climbing up to lay on the blankets.


End file.
